A Perfect Parent Is A Person With Excellent Child-Raising Theories And No Actual Children ~ ENGRAVED Vintage Look Wood Sign
$15.00
A Perfect Parent Is A Person With Excellent Child-Raising Theories And No Actual Children ~ ENGRAVED Vintage Look Wood Sign
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🚨 ATTENTION ALL EXPERTS IN THE ART OF PARENTING (WITHOUT ACTUALLY BEING PARENTS)! 🚨
Do you know someone who has read exactly one parenting book and now believes they have unlocked the secrets of raising the perfect child? Do they confidently declare, "My future kids will NEVER throw tantrums in public," while sipping a $7 latte in peaceful, child-free bliss? Or perhaps you used to be one of those people… before reality (and a few sleepless nights) came along and laughed in your face?
If so, this sign is the perfect gift—or gentle reality check.
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✨ Why You’ll Love This Sign (More Than a Toddler Loves Saying ‘NO!’) ✨
✔ Expertly Engraved: The words are carved into the wood, meaning no amount of sticky fingers, mystery stains, or flying mashed potatoes will erase them.
✔ Vintage Look: A rustic, antique white finish—perfectly distressed, just like parents after three consecutive nights of teething.
✔ Jute Cord for Hanging: Because you already have enough in your hands—like a wriggling toddler who refuses to wear pants.
✔ The Gift That Keeps on Giving: Perfect for baby showers, smug coworkers, or anyone who ever uttered the phrase, "Why don’t they just control their kids?"
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📏 Specifications:
• Size: 3.5"H x 10"W x 3/8"D (6¼" High with the Jute Cord)
• Weight: 6 oz (about the same as the number of fruit snacks a toddler can cram into their cheeks at once)
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📣 Custom Orders Available!
Want it in a different color or font? No problem! I make these one at a time, just like raising kids—except with much better results. Message me, and I’ll whip up something just for you.
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💡 Final Thought: Whether you hang this in your home as a reminder of your own past delusions or gift it to that one know-it-all friend (we all have one), this sign is guaranteed to bring laughs, nods of agreement, and maybe even a little self-reflection.
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🚀 Order now! Because let’s be honest—perfect parents don’t exist, but funny signs do. 😆
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Made by Parch-Mint Premium Wood Products in Elkhorn, Wisconsin in my shop with no children around (Because mine grew up and moved away).