It's Not That I Don't Want To Die I just Don't Want To Be There When It Happens ~ Rustic Black ENGRAVED Vintage Look Wood Sign

"It’s Not That I Don’t Want to Die… I Just Don’t Want to Be There When It Happens" – Rustic Black ENGRAVED Vintage Look Wood Sign

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💀 DARK HUMOR? CHECK. VINTAGE AESTHETIC? CHECK. EXISTENTIAL DREAD WITH A SIDE OF RUSTIC CHARM? DOUBLE CHECK. 💀

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If you like your humor the way you like your coffee—dark, bold, and slightly unsettling—then congratulations! You’ve just found the perfect wall décor to match your vibe. Whether you’re a lifelong pessimist, a casual overthinker, or someone who just enjoys freaking out dinner guests, this engraved wooden sign is a must-have.

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WHY YOU NEED THIS SIGN (EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT READY TO ADMIT IT):

✔ ENGRAVED FOREVER – The lettering is carved deep into the wood, much like your fear of the unknown. Unlike cheap printed or painted signs, this one won’t fade—just like your existential crises.

✔ RUSTIC, YET EXISTENTIALLY EDGY – It’s got that "farmhouse chic meets the abyss" look that really ties a room together.

✔ GREAT GIFT IDEA! Know someone who laughs in the face of mortality? A friend who loves philosophy but also memes about their own inevitable doom? This is the sign for them. Or you. Probably both.

✔ EASY HANGING! Comes with a heavy jute cord, making it simple to hang in your office, bedroom, kitchen, or right next to your emergency will & testament folder.

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PRODUCT SPECS (BECAUSE DETAILS MATTER, EVEN IF LIFE IS MEANINGLESS):

📏 Size: 3.5”H x 10”W x 3/8”D (6¼” High with Jute Cord—perfect for walls, doors, or existential reflection corners)

⚖ Weight: Approx. 6 oz. (light enough to hang, heavy enough to remind you that time waits for no one)

🎨 Base Color: Antique Black with deep engraved lettering for that timeless “I have a sophisticated sense of humor, but also mild dread” aesthetic.

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Handmade with care (and occasional existential sighing) by Parch-Mint Premium Wood Products in Elkhorn, Wisconsin.

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CUSTOM ORDERS & SPECIAL REQUESTS:

Want a different font? Different color? A different quote about the absurdity of life? Message me—I love making custom signs for people who think way too much about everything.

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🚨 ORDER NOW! Supplies are limited, unlike the never-ending march of time dragging us toward the unknown. 💀😂