If You Lose Heaven You Lose Everything If You Gain Heaven You Gain Everything ENGRAVED Shelf Sitter | A Bite-Sized Sermon

📢 ATTENTION ALL HEAVENLY INVESTORS & EARTHLY SHELF DECORATORS! 📢

Introducing the IF YOU LOSE HEAVEN, YOU LOSE EVERYTHING; IF YOU GAIN HEAVEN, YOU GAIN EVERYTHING engraved MDF shelf sitter—a bite-sized sermon with a massive ROI (Return on Inspiration)! 💰✨

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Are you teetering on the edge of your bookshelf, pondering life’s biggest questions? Wondering whether your home décor choices will reflect your eternal destiny? Well, wonder no more! This 2.5" x 7" x .5" slab of engraved wisdom is here to remind you (and your guests) that spiritual investments always yield the highest returns.

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🌿 Handcrafted by the Fine Folks at Parch-Mint Premium Wood Products in Elkhorn, Wisconsin – because if you’re going to decorate for eternity, you might as well do it with top-tier craftsmanship.

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🛠 Engraved MDF Construction – Yes, it’s MDF, not solid gold, but let’s be honest, neither is your bank account (unless you’ve figured out that whole "storing up treasures in Heaven" thing already). But don’t worry—it still looks great and gets the message across!

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🏠 Perfect for Any Space!

✔ Bookshelves – Because your book collection needs something deeper than just The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.

✔ Desks – A great conversation starter, or an even better mic-dropper in office debates.

✔ Mantels – It pairs beautifully with your collection of slightly crooked family photos.

✔ Gift Giving – The ultimate "I’m praying for your soul" gift, wrapped in humor and sincerity.

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🚨 LIMITED SUPPLY! 🚨

Why? Because our small-town workshop isn't run by angels working 24/7 (though we sometimes wish it were). These are made with precision, love, and just the right amount of sarcasm.

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⚠ DISCLAIMER:

This sign does not guarantee automatic entry into Heaven, but it does increase your odds of sparking deep thoughts, meaningful conversations, and possibly confusing your dog as it stares at it in contemplation.

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🎁 ORDER NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

(We don’t want to say “eternally too late,” but… you get the idea.)

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🔔 Click that “Add to Cart” button and make the best investment of your decorating career. Because when it comes to Heaven, you really don’t want to lose everything.