NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS ~ (Because Your Bladder Emergency is Not Our Business!)
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Ah, the age-old question: "Do you have a restroom I can use?" If only we had a nickel for every time we heard it. But alas, we're fresh out of nickels and public restrooms. Keep your establishment blissfully free of random restroom seekers with this vintage-look, ENGRAVED wooden sign, proudly crafted by Parch-Mint Premium Wood Products in scenic Elkhorn, Wisconsin (where even the cheese knows boundaries).
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Want to test your bladder endurance? Feel free to stand there and beg, but this sign is not budging. Unlike that questionable gas station key attached to a cinder block, this sign is permanently mounted—so there’s no mistaking the message.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Product Details:
✔ ENGRAVED for Extra Emphasis – That’s right, the lettering is carved 1/4" deep into the wood, ensuring that the message is loud, clear, and entirely unignorable. Unlike flimsy paper signs, this one won’t mysteriously "fall down" when someone’s really gotta go.
✔ Vintage Look with Antique White Base – Because nothing says "classic charm" like a sign that tells people to keep their bodily functions elsewhere. It screams elegance with a side of not my problem.
✔ Two Hanging Options – Choose between a slot-routed back for easy wall hanging or screw holes with matching caps for a more permanent installation (because some people just won’t take a hint).
✔ Routed Edges for a Classy Touch – Because rejecting restroom seekers should always be done with style. Why say "no" with a boring sign when you can say it with panache?
✔ Made to Order – Just like your customers’ coffee orders, except this one won’t have extra foam or oat milk. Each sign is unique, so slight variations in appearance add to its charm—and its undeniable authority.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Dimensions & Weight:
📏 Size:
5.5"H x 13.5"W x 3/4"D – The perfect size to be seen and read, even by those pretending they didn’t see it.
⚖ Weight:
Approx. 12 oz. – Light enough to mount easily, heavy enough to make an impact (emotionally and physically, if thrown at a particularly persistent bathroom beggar).
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Customization Available!
Would you like a different font? A different color? A version that says, "Employees Only" but with extra sass? A plaque that says "Restroom for Customers Only (and Even Then, Maybe)"? Send me a message, and I’ll make it happen!
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Perfect For:
▬► Restaurants, shops, gas stations, and cafes tired of being mistaken for highway rest stops.
▬► Homeowners who want guests to "go" before they show up.
▬► Anyone who enjoys sarcasm, dry humor, and personal space.
▬► That one business owner who has had enough of strangers dashing in and out like it’s a pit stop at the Indy 500.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Order today and reclaim your restroom freedom! 🚽
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
❌ And remember—when it comes to public restrooms, your answer is carved in wood.